The Foundation: An Attitude of Gratitude

Are you a morning person? By that, I mean do you wake up ready to take on the day? If not, why not?

My Wife recently made an observation; she said that after 21 years of marriage, she is still surprised at how I am able to wake up and immediately be wide awake. She asked, "How can you be awake so quickly and ready to attack the day?" I thought about it for a minute, searching the "why" and "how." I responded with what I felt was a pretty simple answer. I said, "It's really easy to hit the ground running when the first two words you think of when you wake up are, 'thank you!'"

I've done a lot of study around personal development. I've read most of the books and studied a lot of "successful" people. It's my firm belief that to have true success in life, it all starts with an attitude of gratitude.

Every one of us have things in our lives to be thankful for. If we will just turn our focus to those things and stop wasting time on bitterness, regret, disappointments, and failures, our lives will be richer and our days fuller. Studies also show, grateful people are happier and healthier!

My Wife and I learned this gratitude lesson a number of years ago. We call it "counting your stones." It comes from the Old Testament story of Joshua. As the Israelites were finally going to advance into the promised land, God parted the waters of the Jordan River. As they crossed, He instructed Joshua to choose 12 men, one from each tribe, to carry a stone from the riverbed to the other side of the river. Joshua stacked the 12 stones as a memorial to what God had done for them.

When facing a difficulty, obstacle or even just having a "down day," my Wife and I remember back to other times when we overcame equally or even more difficult times and we are instantly lifted up. That's "counting your stones!" It is amazing how effective and powerful this exercise can be. If you never stop being grateful for the good things that have happened in your life, you'll continually be astounded at what you will be able to conquer and add to your stack of stones.

This week, see if every morning before your feet hit the ground, you can't think of 3 things you are thankful for. And when facing a difficult situation where victory seems impossible and doubt and discouragement start rising up within you, start counting your stones and turn that situation around!

The foundation of success is choosing an attitude of gratitude!!

He said to the Israelites, “In the future when your descendants ask their parents, ‘What do these stones mean?’ tell them, ‘Israel crossed the Jordan on dry ground.’ For the Lord your God dried up the Jordan before you until you had crossed over. The Lord your God did to the Jordan what he had done to the Red Sea when he dried it up before us until we had crossed over. He did this so that all the peoples of the earth might know that the hand of the Lord is powerful and so that you might always fear the Lord your God.” Joshua 4:21-24 (NIV)

Reciprocity Redefined

Have you heard the expression, "you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours?" Well, if you have, you know the fundamental and traditional definition of a reciprocal relationship. "I'll do something for you if you'll do something for me."

 I was taught this concept at a very early age and it continued throughout my life, especially in my sales and negotiation training; "Don't give anything unless you get something in return!"

I want to posit a new definition of reciprocity. I'm a little leery of calling it "new" because what I'm proposing has actually been around for thousands of years. This "new/old" concept of reciprocity goes something like this:

Give without expecting anything in return but knowing that a return is coming

In Biblical terms, this is called the Law of Sowing and Reaping. In agrarian times, a farmer would have been considered crazy if he planted (sowed) wheat and expected a corn harvest (reaping). We can always expect to harvest what we have previously planted.

The underlying concept here is "give to give" not "give to get." However, as mentioned above, there is a knowing that goes along with your giving. Consider the giving to be like the seed planted by the farmer. While it would be silly to expect corn when wheat has been planted, it is common sense to expect, or know, that if you plant wheat, you can expect to harvest wheat. That's the knowing part of this type of reciprocity. To get more time, give (or plant) more time to others. If you're desiring more deep friendships in your life, then be a friend to someone else. If finances are a concern, seek charitable organizations who share your beliefs and start sowing (small initially, perhaps) financially into them. Sow first, reap later.

The interesting aspect of this type of giving is that your reaping may come from a completely different area than where you have sown. That's why it's a redefined reciprocity. Your return on your giving probably will come from a completely different source than where you initially sowed. The key is to do the planting with a giver's heart. Don't expect to get something in return.

Throughout my life, I have seen this "new/old" form of reciprocity work, both negatively as well as positively. I have known people very close to me who were unwilling to grasp this concept and, whether it was time or money, through their unwillingness to give without some conditions to get, they found themselves with no time for the more important things in their lives and no money to do what they really wanted to do. Conversely, I, personally, have seen how much better I can live on 90 cents out of every dollar earned if I'm willing to give away the first 10%.

My challenge to you today is this: See if, over the next 30 days, this redefined reciprocity doesn't have a positive effect on your life relationally, financially, spiritually, emotionally, and as it pertains to time. Give to give, not to get, and see what happens!

"Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously." 2 Corinthians 9:6 (NIV)

"Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this,” says the Lord Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it." Malachi 3:10 (NIV)

Choosing An Attitude of Resiliency

Do you have an attitude of resiliency? Do you have "bouncebackability?" These may be a couple of the most important questions you can ask yourself. Why? Because to truly be happy, successful, satisfied, etc. we all have to be able to bounce back from adversity. That's exactly what resilience will do for you!

One of Merriam-Webster's definitions for resilience is:

"An ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change."

We've all faced difficult and challenging times in our lives. Looking back, how would you rate your "ability to recover from or adjust easily" to those difficulties? Whether you consider yourself to be very resilient or tend to find yourself lower on the scale, the good news is you can consciously improve your ability to be resilient.

I'd like to offer up 3 ways to improve your resiliency:

1. Utilize your "Power to Choose" how you will respond to obstacles or difficulties that come your way. By consciously considering your response, you effectively negate any power that situation has over you and will make it much easier to deal with and bounce back from. Mark Twain famously observed, "I've had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened." By choosing your response to situations, you are much more likely to determine the actuality of it transpiring and level of effort you will need to overcome whatever the situation is. Rarely are the challenges in our lives as dire as we initially believe them to be.
2. Take actions that push you outside of your comfort zone. Because an attitude of resiliency is also an ability, this ability can be improved. The most recent Scientific American Mind put it this way, "Virtually anyone can become more resilient through disciplined, consistent practice." You will find as you exercise your stress muscles, you'll be able to better deal with stressful situations.
3. Associate with, and study, people who have been able to bounce back from difficult challenges in their lives. They can offer up tremendous support, advice, and provide a great model to assist you as you develop your attitude of resiliency.

Resiliency is one of the seven attitudes I believe to be necessary to truly achieving all we were created to achieve. Check out the lives of people like Joseph, Job, David, and Paul from the Bible if you don't have anyone you can look to as an example of living a resilient life!

"Though He slay me, yet will I trust in Him. Even so, I will defend my own ways before Him." Job 13:15 (NKJV)

The Power of Choice

I think it's quite appropriate for a weekly blog titled, "Observations of an Optimist" to be published on Monday mornings. What other day of the week, other than Monday, would a person need some uplifting words of encouragement? I just validated on webMD.com that people are at their highest risk for heart attacks on Monday morning. How sad!!

I concluded my post last week with two questions:
     1) Do you take 100% responsibility for your life? And
     2) Is the life you're choosing to live today a positive or negative life and why?

I truly believe, now more than any other time in human history, we have more control and, thus, responsibility for our lives, success or failure, our happiness or dissatisfaction. I also believe this control and responsibility crosses all cultural, ethnic, color, gender, etc. borders. And yet, we still have what I refer to as a "victim mentality" permeating this great country.

Years ago, I read Stephen Covey's, "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People." I thought it was a really good book but, aside from the 7 Habits, there was mention of Viktor Frankl, a psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor, that really changed my life. It was at the beginning of the book when Mr. Covey introduced me to what Dr. Frankl called, "the power to choose." I won't go into detail here but, on this Monday morning as you enter the high-risk period for heart attack, I want you to remember the following:

Stimulus -> Choice -> Response

There is absolute power just after any stimulus in your life just before you respond to that stimulus. In that fleeting second is your Power to Choose. If you are willing to take control of that choice, you take control of your entire life. I can look back on my life, during various stimuli i.e. my Mother's death when I was 18 years old, dealing with a horrible Manager, winning the biggest deal of my career, etc. that I can see the degree of control I possessed dependent upon my choice of how I responded to the specific situation.

Know that today you have that power! No more will be a "victim of circumstance." Your power to choose has been there all along. Whether you've done an excellent job controlling your response or this is an entirely new concept, I hope you will even more positively and effectively take control over your life and, especially, your Monday mornings!

"I call heaven and earth to witness this day against you that I have set before you life and death, the blessings and the curses; therefore choose life, that you and your descendants may live" Deuteronomy 30:19

It's Your Choice

After a two year "hiatus" from posting, I'm firing back up my "Observations of an Optimist" blog.

In some respects, not much has changed since my last post in January of 2011. In other ways, a whole lot has changed. However, the one consistent in my life has been the optimistic outlook with which I still approach each day. I feel like I have an unfair advantage, I've read the back of the Book...and I win!! :-)

With everything going on in the world today, some would say it's easy to get down and depressed. I think that's true. If you're willing to allow the world to dictate your feelings, then you will be down and depressed. However, if you'll take control over your emotions and realize the power you have in how you respond to every situation, every conversation, and every thought, you'll soon find there is a better way to live.

It's hard work to be "up" in a "down" world but the benefits are so worth it!!

I'm making this blog a weekly event. I'm going to share my thoughts on how to do what I'm talking about.

I'd like to leave you with a question I recently heard Jack Canfield tell was the first question W. Clement Stone asked Jack before Clement would hire him, "Do you take 100% responsibility for your life?" And I would add to that, "Is the life you are choosing to live today a positive or negative life and why?"

"The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly." John 10:10 (NKJV)