You Don't Have To, You Get To!

I heard a sermon a number of years ago that had a profound effect on me. I was recently reminded of it when my wife and I were at our veterinarian's office. A car pulled in after we had parked and gone inside. I remembered I needed something out of our vehicle and went back outside just in time to see an elderly woman attempting to get out of the car next to ours. I immediately ran up to the car and assisted her. She was very appreciative and thanked me multiple times as we entered the office together. My wife witnessed the event and commented how nice that was of me to help her. My response is what brought the memory of that sermon back to me. I said, "It wasn't that I had to help her, I'm really glad I got to help her."

The sermon that Sunday over a decade ago was all around a change in our perspective. If we could make a simple shift from "have to" to "get to," we would find life a lot more rewarding. Allow me to explain.

For years, I did not like putting out Christmas lights on our house. The whole process of decorating actually put me in a very bad mood. My wife, on the other hand, loves having lights, decorations, wreaths, you name it, the more the better as far as she is concerned. Every year, I mumbled and grumbled about having to put up all these decorations. It was such a hassle. Then I heard that sermon. I realized that I didn't "have to" put out the decorations but I "got to" and, in the process, make my wife really happy.

I've continually tried to translate this move from "have to" to "get to" to every area of my life. I no longer "had to" drive up to the stables to help my daughter ride her horse, I "got to." Yard work, always an unpleasant "have to," became an enjoyable "get to" activity. Even mucking out the stalls when we had horses made the transition from burdensome "have to" to a great "get to." You'll no longer "have to" do those menial tasks around the house, you "get to." Various projects and trivial duties at work will no longer "have to" be done, but you'll "get to" do them.

"Have to" carries with it obligation and going against your own will. "Get to" is such a better mindset from which to operate when doing anything, especially for someone else. Our selfish nature tends to kick in and make us feel sorry for ourselves when we are sacrificing to help someone else. By shifting from "have to" to "get to," the obligation is gone. Your will is taken out of the picture. You now shift into a more agreeable mindset and being a blessing. This "get to" perspective is great fuel that fires the engine of an attitude of gratitude. It's hard not to be grateful when you are focused on all the things you "get to" do. Just by changing your perspective, your mind will create reasons why you "get to." Try it. You'll see. When you're picking the kids up from school, tell yourself, "I get to pick them up," your mind will automatically go to, "Yes I do. There are so many parents who would love to be able to talk to their children immediately after school and I am the fortunate one that does." For you salespeople out there, saying, "I get to make cold calls today," your mind will go to, "Yes, I do, and in this job market, how fortunate am I that I have a job that provides me the income and opportunity I have?"

What prompted the sermon and this change in perspective was a speech delivered by Robertson McQuilken as he resigned his post as President of Columbia International University in order to care for his ill wife. If you'd like to hear that powerful 2 minute speech, here you go:

Imagine how less impactful this speech would have been had Dr. McQuilkin not approached it from the "get to" perspective and, instead, focused on himself and what he was giving up because he had to take care of Muriel.

This week, give this perspective shift a try. See if you don't find it to be a powerful way to move from dread and obligation to joy and positivity. Remember, you don't have to do anything, you get to!

"Let each one [give] as he has made up his own mind and purposed in his heart, not reluctantly or sorrowfully or under compulsion, for God loves (He takes pleasure in, prizes above other things, and is unwilling to abandon or to do without) a cheerful (joyous, "prompt to do it") giver [whose heart is in his giving]." 2 Corinthians 9:7 (AMP)

Dare To Do Good!

I used to think I was a "self-made man." I prided myself on having been "on my own" since the age of 18. I put myself through college. I worked hard. I earned the promotions and the sales. Me, me, me! What a crock!!

I recently came across a letter written to me by a married couple I knew while I was at Texas A&M. I have held on to it for almost 30 years. It was a letter of encouragement. It also was given to me on the day they, out of nothing but the goodness of their hearts, bought the diamond that went into my Aggie Ring. This was a big deal. I was putting myself through college and funds were extremely tight. I was very blessed that I could even afford to buy the ring. But one of the traditions for a lot of Aggies is to put a diamond in the shield of the ring. I barely bought the ring and there was no way I could purchase the diamond. This kind couple said they wanted to do something nice for me and asked permission to purchase my diamond for me. Wow! As I read the words in that letter, all these years later, tears welled up in my eyes as I recalled how moved I was back then by their generosity and how much that meant to a 21 year-old kid just beginning his career.

It got me thinking of all the people who had helped me along the way to become the person I am today. Teachers going above and beyond what they were paid to do, coaches providing lessons both on and off the field, employers giving opportunities of which I was unqualified (but accepted anyway), friends, family members and even complete strangers encouraging me, and, above all, the Creator of the universe providing me a plan for my life bigger than I could have ever imagined on my own.

So here's our challenge this Monday, October 21st, 2013; recognize those who made a difference in our lives. Remember the impact they had, and in the my case, continue to have to this day. Then, take action to seek out those we can help. It may not be the purchase of a diamond for a school ring but it can be wisdom shared we've gathered over the years, a helping hand for someone who can't accomplish a certain task, or simply a smile and a nod at the grocery store. We have no idea what people are going through today. It's amazing what a small, random act of kindness can do for someone in need.

One of the most impactful books I read in college was, "Atlas Shrugged" by Ayn Rand. She had another book entitled, "The Virtue of Selfishness." For too long, I bought into that philosophy. Can I blow that out of the water right now? Virtue is not in selfishness but in selflessness! It's time we take the focus off of our selves and start doing the things that matter most and those things are what matter most to others.

Imagine doing something so profound for one person, just one, that in thirty years, they'd be sharing what you did for them with everyone they come in contact with (or in a blog, perhaps). That's what life is all about. So, go out today, do good and make an impact! I dare you!!

"But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves." James 1:22

Are You Flying High?

Last week, I had the best flight of my life! American Airlines flight 2466 from Dallas-Ft. Worth to Indianapolis was incredible! By that, do I mean we took off on time, avoided turbulence, landed on time and everything went perfectly? Absolutely not! In fact, part of the reason this was the best flight EVER is in spite of, not the absence of, a major issue. One of the most bizarre I have ever witnessed before. And I believe there are a few lessons to be learned from this experience.

Prior to boarding, I was given the bad news that I would not be upgraded to First Class (darn all those Platinum-level frequent fliers!). So I boarded and sat in my assigned seat of 9D. Once the plane was almost ready to pull back, I noticed  the flight attendant kneeling down engaging in a conversation with the passenger in the last row of First Class, seat 6B. I then noticed the gate agent board the flight and join in the conversation with the flight attendant and the passenger. The gate agent then approached me and informed me that the lady in 6B was in the wrong seat and I would be moving up to First Class once she moved backed to 8A (YIPEE!). As the passenger got up and stepped backward to let me pass by her to take my "rightful place" in 6B, she said, "Fine, take that seat. I just had $4,000 stolen in the Admiral's Club along with the blanket that comforted my mother as she passed away!" And then she began to weep.

Without thinking, I replied, "Oh my, you know what? You've had much worse day than me, you go ahead and stay in First Class." Through her tears, she refused and then started accusing the gate agent of treating her rudely and disrespectfully. I tried one more time to let her keep the First Class seat but she declined. As I settled in, I could hear her continuing to talk. Her cries turned into ramblings about the seat, the theft, the rude gate agent, her mother's death, and much, much more. She grew louder and more emotional, becoming quite disruptive not only for the people sitting next to her but the entire front half of the plane.

As we pulled away from the gate, we heard over the intercom, "This is Captain Willie. Folks, I've been flying for 28 years and I've gotta tell you, of all nights ever to fly, you've picked, perhaps, the perfect night! We'll have you in Indianapolis in no time and we promise to take great care of you until we arrive!"

Shortly after that announcement, we sat 100 yards from the gate for 15 minutes. Then, we pulled back up to the gate because of a "mechanical problem." A few more minutes later and Captain Willie explained that they had to hook up to a certain machine to get the A/C working in the plane as the repair work continued and, as we waited, they would be opening the main door. A few minutes after that, the upset (and upsetting), former First Class passenger was exiting the plane. It turned out, Captain Willie had contacted the Admiral's Club regarding her claims and they were false. Her mentally unstable emotional outbursts were apparently the result of mixing Xanax and alcohol in the Admiral's Club.

Captain Willie and the flight attendants handled not only the situation, but the entire flight, with professionalism, grace, and humor. During the flight, Captain Willie  came on to recognize a "special passenger," Rebecca, who was celebrating her 22nd birthday. He had us all yell, "Happy Birthday, Rebecca!" and then had the flight attendants award her a bottle of champagne. After we landed, during taxi to the gate, he invited Rebecca to the the front of the plane to sit in the flight attendant's jump seat so she could be the first one off the plane.

What a great flight!

As I thought about this sequence of events, I realized there were lessons to be learned as we all try to fly higher in our own lives:

Lesson #1: Don't be afraid to set high expectations! Better to aim too high and miss than aim too low and hit! When Captain Willie made his first announcement, he wanted us to know we should expect a great flight.

Lesson #2: Along the way, there will be obstacles and distractions. Better to take them head on and deal with them. Once eliminated, the obstacle is no longer an obstacle and the distraction cannot distract. You are then able to move forward. Had the disruptive passenger been allowed to stay, I can assure you, no one would have enjoyed that flight.

Lesson #3: Once overcome, don't dwell on, or give power to, the obstacle any longer. Turn your attention and focus on something positive. Rebecca, the birthday girl, served that purpose for Captain Willie and crew with us, their passengers.

Final Lesson: Throughout the process; from expectation setting to dealing with distractions to the new focus, remain positive at all times! A positive mindset provides all parties involved with a better experience and outcome. The interactions we all shared with the good-natured, fun crew enhanced the experience of the flight tremendously between take off and touch down.

It was only after we landed and I reflected on why this was such a great flight that I realized the very thoughtful process Captain Willie and his exceptional crew went through to ensure our positive experience Absent the process, this could have been a very bad flight.

Review the lessons learned. See if there isn't some applicability to situations you're facing today and see if applying this process doesn't help you "fly higher!"

"I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have [perfect] peace and confidence. In the world you have tribulation and trials and distress and frustration; but be of good cheer [take courage; be confident, certain, undaunted]! For I have overcome the world. [I have deprived it of power to harm you and have conquered it for you.]" - John 16:33 (AMP)

Face Your Fear!

It took all the strength and determination I could muster. I had never felt such paralyzing fear in my life. With each step toward the door, my feet felt heavier and heavier, my breathing became labored, and I began to sweat profusely. I knew I had to do this so, with one last deep breath, I pushed the door open and heard, "Hi, welcome to Toastmasters! What brings you here?"

My fear of public speaking goes back as far as I can remember. Oral reports in high school were always panic-inducing. In college, I waited until my last semester to take the required public speaking class (I actually considered not getting my degree because of it). I watched, in horror, the first day of initial speeches as one of my classmates walked up to the front of the room, turned around to face his audience, and passed out, hitting the back of his head on the blackboard on his way down. It confirmed what I already knew; public speaking can kill you!

After college, I eventually ended up in sales where I had to give a lot of presentations. The night before each one, I would not sleep. The anxiety was almost debilitating. After years of struggling to overcome this, I finally decided it was time to take it head on. I walked into that first Toastmaster's meeting thinking this may be my first and last (either not going back or actually dying if called on to speak). I survived. And over the years enjoyed the meetings, the friendships, and, eventually, actually speaking. I went on to compete and win several competitions. I now look forward to my sales presentations. I have even joined the National Speaker's Association and look for opportunities to speak anywhere I can. Talk about a transformation!!

What I learned through the process of overcoming my complete and utter fear of public speaking was you have to face your fear and not continue running from it. It's the only way growth can occur.

We all have fears that exert various levels of control over our lives. I know people who don't like large crowds. It cripples them just to have more than a handful of strangers around them at one time. I've seen how limiting a fear like that can be in a persons life. I know others who are afraid to step out and take a risk for fear of failure. Because of it, they stay in a perpetual state of mediocrity and stagnation. Almost more insidious than the fear of failure is the fear of success. Individuals afraid that if they achieve too much it will change them negatively or will only prove how unworthy they are for actually succeeding. So they self-sabotage, ensuring they never achieve near what they are capable of.

Today, let's identify a few of the fears that are limiting our success in life. Once identified, face that fear and take actions to eliminate if from our lives. Toastmasters was huge in helping me to "desensitize" and realize not only would speaking in public not kill me, I could actually enjoy it. That's the amazing thing about this process; after identification, confrontation, and action, not only will the fear disappear, but you will probably uncover strengths you didn't even know you had. As a Christian, I know there is an enemy that has come to "kill, steal, and destroy" us and our dreams. I am convinced this enemy attacks at our greatest gifts and talents because he knows that is where we will have the greatest impact in this world. His favorite weapon is fear. I like to say:

Face your fear and you just may find your future!

Go for it today and don't let fear hold you back ever again!!

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." - 2 Timothy 1:7

Discipline Is Not A Dirty Word!

During a recent visit to the mall, my wife and I observed an alarming pattern while we were attempting to enjoy our Chinese meal:: Children allowed to run around, with little to no supervision, and, basically, do whatever they want to do. We found ourselves getting rather annoyed. Not with the kids, but with the adults. We saw example after example of parents attempting, albeit extremely weakly, to rein in their rabble-rouser(s) with what were, obviously, idle threats.

"THIS IS NOT A PLAYGROUND! STOP PLAYING TAG IN BETWEEN PEOPLES' TABLES!!"

"GET OUT FROM UNDER THAT TABLE! YOU'RE BEING A NUISANCE! OH, WHEN WE GET HOME, YOU'RE GOING TO GET IT!!"

"WHY WOULD YOU DUMP YOUR DRINK ALL OVER THE FLOOR?!?! IF WE DIDN'T HAVE TO GET GOING, I'D MAKE YOU CLEAN IT UP YOURSELF!!"

We walked away that day asking, "Where has the discipline gone?"

I heard a sermon some time ago that dealt with the issue of "spare the rod, spoil the child." Proverbs 13:24 says, "Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them." What I loved about this particular sermon was the Pastor's contextual perspective of the Scripture. Think of the "rod" not as a switch to beat with but as a shepherd's staff. A good shepherd would never beat his sheep but he would use the staff (rod) to guide them where he wanted them to go. I thought it was a beautiful illustration and one we used on our daughter as she was growing up (and, quite honestly, even now as a 20 year-old college Junior). While there were no spankings in our home, there was a lot of "guiding" and she grew up with a complete understanding and correlation between her actions and the consequences of those actions. I am saying (and I think she would concur), there was a lot of discipline in our home.

It is my firm belief that "discipline begets discipline." By that I mean, if more parents were to raise their children with a full understanding and consistent application of discipline, the children of those parents would then be better equipped to succeed in life. They will know that their actions today affect their lives tomorrow. We seem to be lacking that today.

In Malcolm Gladwell's brilliant book, "Outliers," he highlights the "10,000-Hour Rule." A couple of examples he gives are Bill Gates and The Beatles; individuals who achieve meteoric success only through consistent, disciplined effort (10,000 hours worth). Parents who teach their children discipline are increasing the likelihood of them succeeding exponentially. There is no magic formula, no 5 easy steps to success in life. You can't just show up for work and expect a promotion in 3 months. Discipline takes time and effort but it's rewards are worth it!

Disciplined people take a long-term view of life. The followers of Jesus were called Disciples (Disciplined Ones). There is tremendous payoff to this approach. Today, take a look at the various areas of your life. See if there aren't some places where more discipline may be of benefit. You may be very disciplined at work and get the job done but what about physically? Do you consistently hit the gym or the road in order to be the best you you can be? Are you a super-achiever but maybe lack the discipline to every so often say, "no," to a request of your time so you can read, study, or just be alone with your thoughts? Are you a loyal, faithful follower of your favorite sports team but there never seems to be enough time in the day to do things with your family?

Discipline is not a dirty word! It's an asset we all possess. It's just a matter of application. And if you're a parent with small children, try applying some consistent, loving discipline to them and watch the positive impacts it has. Those of us trying to enjoy our Chinese lunch at the mall will thank you!

And He said to them, Come after Me [as disciples---letting Me be your Guide], follow Me, and I will make you fishers of men! - Matthew 4:19 (AMP)

What's In Your Future?

Syria, terrorism, government shutdown, mass shootings, massive debt, and on and on.... There's so much negativity in the news today that makes one wonder what the future holds. If you're not careful, it can even create worry and anxiety. It's really easy to get caught up in the "macro" events occurring and lose focus on the "micro" choices we make that actually have the greatest impact.

Last November, in the fourth quarter of the sales year, I was in California on a business/personal trip. I was waiting for final confirmation from my number 1 prospect that they were ready to sign the contract. This would be the deal that put me over my quota and guarantee a trip to the Virgin Islands. When I got the text message it was not what was expected. In the 11th hour, the "powers that be" decided not to move forward with my company but, instead, go with the incumbent vendor. I looked at my wife and said, "Oh no!" It looked like the year was over and I would not make my number. I gave myself 30 seconds to mourn the loss. Too often, we spend too much time wallowing in self-pity and asking questions like, "Why did this happen to me? Why now?" At that moment, I knew I had a choice to make and I chose to focus on doing what I had to to bring in the business needed to get me to my number. On December 28th, I was able to secure a contract that put me over my number and was actually larger than the deal lost on November 7th. I learned that by focusing on what I could control and not on what had happened or the circumstances as they appeared on that November morning, I was able to accomplish my goal.

What is your attitude toward your future? Do you think things are out of control and headed in a downward spiral? Are there so many uncertainties in your life that they keep you up at night? Mortgages, relationships, career/job security (or lack thereof) all can contribute to an uneasiness about tomorrow.

I heard Zig Ziglar ask his audience a question a few years ago, "Are there things you could do today, tomorrow, and over the next two weeks that could negatively affect your life?" Then he asked a follow up question, "Are there things you could do today, tomorrow, and over the next two weeks that could positively affect your life?" The point is, we are in much more control of our future than we sometimes realize.

Your future should be giving you hope, not helplessness. It should be bright, not burdensome. Because of the choices you make today, your future is incredible!! I like what Tim Tebow said when asked about his future:

“I don't know what my future holds, but I do know who holds my future.”

Today, know that you and your choices are what will ultimately affect your future.

If your facing challenges or difficult times, choose the response that is going to be the most effective in mitigating the negative and positioning the positive outcome.

If you're in a great place right now and feel that your future is bright, seek out people you can help and provide encouragement to. You and your positive outlook could be the difference in someone's future.

Finally, realize the power and control you have over your future. Don't give that away. Use it to your advantage and watch the incredible life you deserve unfold before your eyes!

"I call heaven and earth as witnesses today against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life, that both you and your descendants may live;" - Deuteronomy 30:19 (NKJV)

What Do You Expect?

A lot has been written recently about happiness and optimism. As an optimist, I find this interesting. Having just finished Shawn Achor's book, "The Happiness Advantage," I was happy (no pun intended) to see all the scientific evidence supporting the belief that having a positive outlook on life actually impacts overall success.

Merriam-Webster defines optimism this way:

op·ti·mism noun \ˈäp-tə-ˌmi-zəm\ - an inclination to put the most favorable construction upon actions and events or to anticipate the best possible outcome

On a webinar last week with Shawn Achor, I heard him define optimism this way: The belief that your behavior matters. 

Whether you are naturally optimistic or not, one area of your life you can control and change immediately, is your attitude of expectation. One of my core beliefs that I have experienced and observed in life is this:

Your level of success in anything you do will rise to the level of your expectation 

Because of this, I have to ask, "What do you expect?" When going on that interview, what do you expect? Applying for that mortgage, what do you expect? Being considered for that promotion, what do you expect? Walking into that college exam, what do you expect?

As you analyze and evaluate your "self-talk" during times of an uncertain outcome, see what words you're using and what your expectation is. As you consciously choose to believe for positive outcomes based upon your attitude of expectation, your life will immediately begin to change.

I first heard the term "inverse paranoid" when listening to an old Earl Nightingale personal development recording. I came across it again when reading Jack Canfield's "The Success Principles" (Become an Inverse Paranoid is Success Principle #6). The definition of an inverse paranoid is, "Today the world is plotting to do me good. I can’t wait to see what’s next!” By adopting an attitude of expectation like that, good things will begin to happen.

My expectation level dramatically increased once I learned just how interested God was in my success. I used to think you only went to Him when you were in trouble or needed something that looked impossible. Once I got a revelation that His Grace is Unmerited Favor and that His plans for me are good, I began to expect good things all the time. This expectation allows me to see good things even in bad or difficult times. Just as John C. Maxwell's new book suggests, "Sometimes You Win, Sometimes You Learn."

Go out to today with a heightened expectation level in everything you do. Become an Inverse Paranoid expecting everything to be working for your good. And, finally, know that God's plans for you are good and look for the positive, the lessons, and the upside in every situation you face.

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" - Jeremiah 29:11